Letters to Myself
by Heiwa no Hato
Summary: Jamie sends his future self letters in an effort to keep believing in the Guardians.


**_Jamie writes to his "future self" in an effort to keep believing. These are some of his letters._**

* * *

_Age: 9_

Dear future me,

If you opened this, then it means you've stopped believing. Now, I don't know why you would do that. You promised that you wouldn't. You swore it on your life! I would never break my promises. Those are meant to last for life. And if you did, then I would be extremely disappointed with who I've become. You must be wondering what I'm talking about. You might now even know him anymore! He said that all kids stop believing eventually. But I **promised** I wouldn't, and like I said before, I don't ever break a promise. So this is my last resort. If you're reading this, it means that you've stopped believing. But you have to remember Jack. You have to. Because I promised.

You promised.

The past you,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 10_

Dear future me,

I told myself that I would continue this back-up plan. I told myself I would convince you to believe again. I know it won't be easy, though I couldn't think of a reason why you would forget. Anyway, here is one thing you need to remember: the Guardians. Remember North? He's Santa Claus. You used to laugh about the fact that he's Russian. You also found him cool, because he kicks butt with these awesome swords. Am I actually helping?

Okay, if you still don't, then maybe I should write down about the time when Sophie got hold of another of his snow globes – you know, the ones that could teleport people!

Someone told Sophie about how naughty she was last year. She really took that hard, so one day, she ended up bugging Bunny (the Easter Bunny, of course) for a visit to the North Pole. She wanted to ask and convince North that she was good this year, and so off we went. And then… well, Bunny wanted to warm his fur for a while (he hates the cold), while I was staring at the toys the yetis made. Sophie got impatient. Long story turned short, we lost her, and then found her in a room of coal all smudged up. Heh.

Remember now? Oh, come on. That was pretty funny.

The past you,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 10_

Dear future me,

The next thing you need to remember is Bunny. The Easter Bunny. His full name is actually E. Aster Bunnymund. Jack likes to call him a kangaroo though. It's probably because he's Australian. Anyway, Sophie loves Bunny. He's like her idol. Maybe you can recall those times when she used to say, "Bunny, hop hop hop!" She used to do that all the time.

You visited his lair once. Wait, wrong word – headquarters? Lair makes him sound like a villain. And he is not a villain. He's a guardian. The point is, you were egg-painting in his headquarters. You, Cupcake, Pippa, and the rest of the gang wanted to help him for Easter that year. You ended up soaked in swirl pink paint. Mom was in for a surprise when she got home. She was laughing so hard, she took a picture! I'm pretty sure I have the picture in my scrapbook somewhere. Do you still have it? You probably threw it out, didn't you?

I don't understand why. How could you forget all those fun times we had? How could you hurt Jack like this? How could I forget? How?

The past you,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 13_

Dear future self,

Today was the first day of winter. Naturally, we all waited for Jack to come bring in the fun like he usually does. He was a bit late, but that was okay. He said he had to chase off some of Pitch's nightmares. Despite that, in the end, he still gave us the best snow day we could've ever wished for. We had snowball fights and snowmen and snowmen armies, and icy tracks and sledding.

I'm happy. It's actually been a while since I could say that I am. Maybe you could remember this, because today (and for the past month), some kids beat you up. They said you were stupid – that we were stupid. But Jack came today, and he listened. He chased those memories away just like he did to those nightmares. He even asked Sandy to give me good dreams and Tooth to show me my best memories.

He's the best friend I've always wished I had. And he is. I wish you were at least grateful for that.

Your past self,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 14_

To my future self,

I've been doing this a whole lot more often now, practically on a daily basis. I've found that writing helps me, especially now. Sometimes, the bullying is too much. It's been so hard lately. Life usually is.

Jack visited again. He must have noticed something was off, because he asked if everything were all right. He managed to catch me doing these instead though. He read a couple of them as I wrote yesterday's letter. He looked really touched that I was doing this. He even looked as if he were going to cry. I don't think I should be surprised though. He was quite lonely for a while. For over three hundred years, in fact. That must have been depressing, don't you think? After that, I just had a feeling that I should write another. It's the least I could do. He deserves so much more.

Your past self,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 14_

To my future self,

Earlier today, Monty, Claude, Caleb and I went to try out for a hockey team in school. We were talking about the old times before when we went trick-or-treating and monster hunting. Eventually, I brought up the Guardians. I asked them if they got any gifts last December from North. They looked at me funny, and exchanged looks for a while. Eventually, someone broke the silence and asked if I still believed in Santa Claus. It then hit me. They forgot.

They simply forgot. Just like you. Or like me? But I haven't forgotten, and I wouldn't any time soon. Jack was devastated. The snow was much harsher today, but he tried to keep it from brewing a storm. In other news, Pippa and Cupcake have been ignoring me. They wouldn't talk to me. I don't know what's going on anymore. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't even talk to Jack right now.

What happened?

Your past self,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 15_

To my future self,

Jack says that he has more believers now. I'm happy for him, proud even. Like Burgess, he visits the other places more often too. It makes it hurt less for him (losing Cupcake and the others). I guess he's moving on.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I'm happy for him, really, but it's been really lonely lately. Sophie doesn't want to spend time with me anymore. I think she's really growing up. I still have some of my friends, but some of them moved on and they don't believe anymore. It just isn't the same, you know?

Your past self,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 16_

To my future self,

Jack doesn't visit as much now. He has other kids to believe in him. He came by today though, because he knows I'm having hard time and have been for a while. But today was different. He didn't come to comfort me and to simply give me company. Instead, he just gave a sad smile and told me that it's okay to move on. All kids do eventually after all. It was quiet for a while. I didn't know what to say. But then, in the end, he just gave me a hug and said, _"Thank you."_

I feel empty. I think I just lost my best friend. I think I lost everything I've ever loved in my childhood.

He said that it was okay to move on.

I have a feeling that I won't ever see Jack again.

Your past self,

Jamie Bennett

* * *

_Age: 16_

To myself,

I forgive you now. I know why you've stopped believing, and I understand. Jack understands. I want to thank you for staying strong and for lasting this long, because it meant so much to them, _the Guardians, _and so much to me. I've accepted that I'm not a kid anymore, and as much as I'd want to hold on to the past, I know that I have to move on.

Maybe I'll stop believing in a while. Maybe not. All I know is I would never forget what _they_ stand for, because I will always remember the dream sand in my eyes when I wake up, and the loose change under my pillow. I will always smile at the thought of the flowers blooming or a nameless gift under a Christmas tree. Most important of all, I will never ever forget the magic of building snowmen and snow angels, and just having _fun_. Maybe one day, I'll forget the Guardians. One day, they'll all be a wistful memory. But when that happens, I'll be living in their legacies, watching children like who I once was as they grow into the people they need to be.

They're the ones who made me who I am today, and I'm grateful. So perhaps it's time to move on and live another chapter, as cliché as that sounds. I guess in time, I'll heal.

Thank you.

Jamie Bennett


End file.
